I wasn't going to write about this.
It's not that I don't want to talk about it or can't.
Some things are just harder, you know?
Sometimes it's hard because you feel like you've found a peaceful spot
and don't want to relive memories.
Sometimes though, digging up memories, painful as they might be,
can be even more healing than you thought.
Today is (International) Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.
My heart goes out to anyone impacted by this.
It's the kind of thing that is hard to really understand until you've been through it.
Seven years ago we lost a little one.
I will never forget the day.
The hardest conversation I've had was right after it had happened.
I was in too much shock to talk about it yet.
(We are talking, less than an hour after.)
Someone had called me and was talking about how excited they were
for this little one to be born, completely unsuspecting of what had happened.
I think I can add that to "weirdest conversation ever."
Part of me realizes the timing of it all was just.. off.
We were so young. Just starting out.
Not ready yet.
Both of us working late odd retail/mall hours.
Logically it wasn't a good time.
You discover those two lines and ready or not, your entire life changes.
Ready or not your heart bonds.
I've realized that our perfect timing and planning is futile.
We want everything "just right" but there is always going to be something.
I've found life will work out. It might be hard but it will work out
and always, always be worth it.
It's hard when you come to a place of acceptance
and then it's gone.
Today, I still tear up.
But I also choose to celebrate.
Celebrate the little life we will always remember,
even if just briefly.
Celebrate the chance to celebrate a little one.
And, celebrate a little one we will one day see.
I'm thankful for the comfort that this life is not all there is.
That the pain and the sorrow- it will one day be wiped away completely.
Little one, you are so missed.
But, we can't stay stuck living in tears.
Life was never meant to be lived like that!
No. The greatest healing comes from embracing the pain,
throwing our hands up with tears in our eyes,
and realizing the joy & comfort Jesus gives.
It's not a bouncing joy, but a subtle thing.
Gently present. Always there.
It has pulled me through.
I am writing about this also because I want people to feel the freedom to be able to talk about it.
It takes one to help bring change.
No one should have to handle the pain alone or feel
That it's too of a touchy subject to speak about.
Every life is precious, no matter how little or how long it was lived.
Support is so key to overcoming the depth of the pain.
You never completely move past it, but getting to a place of peace-
that is my prayer and wish.
If any of you ever need an ear, know that I am here.
Just a message or call away.
If you've ever been through it I'd love to hear your story.