I debated even writing this post. I mean come on- I have three kids, and some people don't. I have a wonderful husband who has been incredibly supportive through this PPD journey. I have some pretty amazing friends who put up with my insecurities and imperfections and sometimes, like now, venting. (Hey guys!)
Most who know me say I'm really positive and one of the most optimistic people they know. I think a lot of times it's a shield for how painful life can be. Right now, I'm all out of positive. I know it will come back, but bear with me.
I wanted to write this because I have found there are so many who struggle with the things of motherhood that feel as if they are on an unspoken list of qualifications for a good parent. I imagine it goes something like this.
Good parents always love their kids.
(To dislike them is to be discontent with the blessings God gave you.)
Good parents always put their children's needs first.
(This includes meals and bath time before your own!)
Good parents always have matching socks.
Good parents have bubbly warm feelings of love every moment for their kids.
Good parents never get rid of their kids toys that drive them nuts!
Guess what? I'm guilty of every single one. It's been a long 7 years with Andrew and we finally have some answers (hello sensory processing & being very very vestibular seeking!) While it helps in knowing what to add more of into his day, and to be understanding about, it doesn't change how challenging it can still be every single day.
Add in a molar teething toddler whose favorite tone is "whining, screaming & screeching" and you have the picture of my circus.
I'm finding that some days are just...hard. I'm not a fan. I'm trying though. I don't like every moment with our three blessings but I love them with all my heart.
I am trying to not base my days (and feeling about our kids) on my emotions. They are so wishy washy some days! Some days though, I just take a moment to acknowledge that I'm pretty human. I don't like life right in this second and hey- a flight to Hawaii sounds pretty peachy about now, but getting in the habit of panicking and hashing over whatever is "wrong" with my day only makes it all worse. My key- acknowledge, pray and move on.
You know how distraction is like magic for toddlers? Turns out we adults are the same too! Put on some toe tapping music, focus on thanksgiving, and give hugs to break the tension.
No, friends, I don't always like our kids. It doesn't change that I'm their mama though and I love them so much.
Honest thoughts and a cup of tea for your day!