Just a confession. A small one. Parenthood looks nothing like I thought it would. Nothing at all.
It's better. It's harder. There are so many moments I wonder with anxious breath what I am supposed to do with these adorable hooligans that are surely out to conquer our world with their sticky fingers.
Honestly, I have no idea. I have no idea what to do half the time, and I find myself face to face with the thought that terrified me as I rubbed my belly, eight years ago, with our firstborn, wondering, "What if we have to wing it?!" I quickly moved on, finding a less-than-realistic book to read, gaining some "insight" and "knowledge" (that was honestly never used). Well, here we are. Winging it.
We're making wonderful, intentional memories, we're shedding a few tears, we're learning how to be kind, we're taking a few notes from each other, but most of all, we're growing that love to something we hardly would have recognized eight years ago. It's so deep. It holds so much meaning. It's the real deal. It's survived a lot. It's celebrated. It's lost.
You hold your newborn babe and have no idea that in just a few short years, you might find yourself pouring a huge bowl of o's cereal for them, leaving the box out, turning their favorite annoying-as-all show on just so you can get a half hour of broken sleep in. You find yourself talking to your toddler about the dumbest things in a tone you'd send them to timeout for in two seconds. You find yourself in tears over not being able to offer them more than pb&j slices and crackers for lunch because kids are so expensive, (heck life is expensive!) plus you just don't have the energy to be Susie Pinterest today. It's googling symptoms and behavior and texting your best friend to ask if it's really normal or if you might be losing it. Parenthood is so different than I ever thought it would be!
Happy Nine Years Babe. Here's to 60 more!
This life has looked nothing like we thought it might. We've seen some dark days, and sad days, and elated days. We've tasted sorrow and we've tasted sweetness. We've thrown our hands up in exasperation and thrown our hands up in joy. When it comes down to it, life is never going to be only perfectly beautiful. The sooner we believe that, the sooner we realize how golden our own story is, and how much beauty is right in front of us.
Those smiles are worth everything! No, parenthood doesn't look anything like I thought it would, but I am learning to appreciate our blessings in every season. After all, the beauty is still there; we just stop seeing it. God knew what he was doing. It helps us to be grateful and to learn to love more. We would only ever see a shallow love if there were not the hard parts of parenthood. I'm learning to appreciate the beauty in that. It's still a work in progress though :)